How to deal with a troubled teen family contract

A teenager is skin stretched over hormones, stress, confusion, anxiety over what future paths they need to take and the desire to be treated as an adult when it benefits them but as a child when that would give them the greater advantage. YIKES! What?s a parent supposed to do with one of those?

Love them, that?s what. With that love, however, there needs to be equal amounts of guidance, expectations and communication.

Of course the more prevalent these parenting skills have been in your home prior to your child reaching the ?magical? teenage years, the easier they will be to enforce, but if you are facing a difficult teen, a family contract may be just what you need.

What is a family contract

A family contract is just what the name implies-a contract between family members that outlines the rules, guidelines, expectations for your home/family and the consequences/benefits of living in or out of the same.

Who should write the family contract

Every member of the family should have input as to what goes into a family contract. But?every home needs a leader and you, the parents, should be the leader(s) of your home. Everyone?s opinions and needs should be taken into consideration, but as the parents, you do have the final say.

What should a family contract accomplish

• A contract is between two or more people-meant to serve the greater good for all parties involved.
• A contract is meant to bring all involved parties into agreement on the matter(s) at hand.
• A contract involves concessions for all parties involved; give a little, get a little.
• A contract can and should be amended from time to time
• A contract is meant to make expectations (for parents and children) clear-not filled with trickery and deceit.

What should your family contract say

The date and the name of all families involved should be entered into the contract. Also to include in your binding paper?

Statement of beliefs: Your family contract should have a statement of beliefs or principles. This might include basic beliefs in regards to your faith, your commitment to your marriage and a declaration of your love for your children. It doesn?t have to be anything formal or technically correct. Let it come from the heart and soul.

List of concerns being addressed: These include grades, jobs, dating, chores around the house, driving privileges and responsibilities, physical well-being, cell phone usage, media usage, money, friends and religious practices. Each of these concerns should be outlined as to what is expected from EVERYONE involved-children and parents alike.

Acceptable methods of accountability: Care and attention needs to be given to respect of privacy vs. hiding a serious problem and respect for the fact that there are times when parents have privileges teens simply don?t have yet. How will family members be held accountable? Family meetings? One-on-one conversations? Care needs to be given to make accusatory confrontations and public humiliations taboo.

Punishments and retributions: Each infraction and violation of the family contract must carry with it a punishment or retribution. Otherwise, the contract is completely and utterly useless.

The ability to amend the contract and a procedure for doing so: Your family contract needs to read in such a way that changes can be made to the contract when done following a pre-approved procedure. An example of this might be dating and curfews.

Signatures: A contract isn?t a contract unless it has been signed. The signatures are testimony that those who sign are in full agreement with the contents of the contract. Signing not only makes it morally binding, but it is the first important step in making the contract a statement of who you are as a family.

A last resort

If your teenager is already too steeped in negative behavior and poor (even dangerous) choices including addictions or illegal activity, outside intervention may be necessary. If this is the case, contact your clergy, professional counselors or healthcare professionals to seek appropriate treatment.

One last thought?don?t give up on your teenager. Letting them know that your love for them is unconditional and that your desire for them is to get them the help they need and deserve to be happy, healthy, productive teens and adults is your top priority.

Other teen related issues:

Teen sells body for dinner and drinks

Signs of teen drug abuse

Dealing with an angry teen

Tell us what you're thinking...

Source: http://sg.theasianparent.com/handling-a-troubled-teen-a-family-contract/

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